I don’t believe in the statement that all men are the same. Human beings are influenced by the societies they live in so let me tell you something about the Nigerian man I know, especially ones who live in Nigeria.
When you find a good Nigerian man, the good feeling can’t be described no matter how you try. This is obviously why they are much sought after by women of many nations. Knowing one or two things about what drives the Naija man is very important to your relationship with them.
Being that Nigerians can be quite conservative about relationships before marriage, get used to the fact that some Nigerian men will treat you differently in public than they treat you in private. There is always this underlying thing about being macho, not to show too much love to a woman in full view of family and friends lest he be called "woman wrapper". Nigerian men who show much love to their women are often described as being under a spell or juju of some sort. So you can imagine the stigma a man in our society carries, just for showing the world his true feelings for his woman.
This fact can affect a relationship adversely but how a woman chooses to understand and handle it might save the relationship. This kind of man, once in the presence of family, will want to show off how much power he has over you. He may bark orders at you or send you on silly errands in front of his friends. In other countries, such conduct is often regarded as a sign of disrespect, but here, it only means the man has good control of his home. So when he does this to you, it may mean that he is only trying to prove something to society.
Naija men will most likely not fall for or respect you if they feel that you gave in too easily to their advances. Forget about the fact that you don't want to play games, or that you were swept off your feet by his good looks and charming attitude, he will think that you must be that way with every man you meet. I don’t know the genesis of this behaviour but it's worth bearing in mind whenever you meet that Naija man you really like.
Ever so often, we as women want to let go and fall in love without all the rules but the reality of the society we live in always creeps in. So when you see a Nigerian girl acting all tough and playing hard to get with a man she obviously likes, she may simply be trying to prove something to the man and the society.
But ahhh once in a while, you will meet that one Nigerian man who doesn’t care what the world thinks, about his love for you. He will love, pamper, respect and lift you up in spite of what others say. He will be thankful that you did not play Russian roulette with his love by playing hard to get. When you do meet such a man, recognize and respect what he represents and most of all, shower him with all the love inside of you because he is a MAN amongst men.
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This article was first published in the April 2010 print edition of naijaTIMES. See it on the FB Page.
